A Big Question was Asked

I did it! I asked my cousin My Big Question!
and we survived.
We were having a really good afternoon in her city. We both hate shopping, but we managed unexpectedly well to get the items she needed. Best bit was wandering into a shop, finding the section we were looking for and then simultaneously pointing at the same thing, with a stereo "How about that one?"
Sometimes that's all the reassurance you need. And perfect for counteracting that other all too familiar feeling of 'so many choices that making a decision feels impossible'. But we went home feeling happy and proud.
Made a cup of tea, sat on the couch, and I considered asking. But my heart started to stomp so loudly in my chest and throat that I probably wouldn't have heard her reaction, so I decided the time wasn't right.
After we had dinner I did ask. First I said I wanted to ask a difficult and important question. (She scrunched up her face) Then I really said would you like to be my egg donor. She agreed with me it was a difficult question, and that she would need time to think about it.
I reassured her I hadn't talked about it with any of our family, so on the upcoming family weekend she wouldn't be surprised by a casual 'so I heard you and Val are going to have a baby' Yes, we made little jokes.
I did tell her I had prepared myself to accept No as an answer, and about the friend of a friend (FoF) who had offered already, trying to take the pressure off as much as I could think of. I think I managed to indicate it would be a long road, with no guarantees and maybe small risk for her but I abstained from inundating her with technical info.
After this we did discuss her pregnant friends and their babies, and how tall some of them would be. Someone we both know vaguely is well over two meters tall (7') who was very happy to meet a lady over 1.90 (6'3") Their daughter is predicted to grow to 1.98 (6'6") (!!!) and as a one year old almost looks as big as a small 3 year old she knows...
Cousin and me are both around 1.80 (6') and while we live in a country filled with giants realise that is really a Dutch quirk (well, Scandinavian too) so from that respect me choosing a short donor (FoF is like 1.50 (5')) wouldn't be insane, especially since the intended father is much taller than me again.

Our conversation veered in many directions afterwards, I think we talked for 3 hours more, and generally we felt good, and together.
When I left she thanked me again for helping her out shopping, saying she felt proud and happy.

(and I'm soooo excited she took it so well, and that it didn't overtake her feeling happy of that day) I was so excited I visited my best friend straight after, crushing his bones in my hugs, blabbing his ears off trying to calm down before taking the train home.

I'm feeling slightly guilty of adding to her burden, because her upcoming birthday is triggering memories of her mother dying when her brother was that age two years ago. We had some wet eyes over that together, how grief sometimes comes back to hound you. Yes, loss is forever, and so are our memories. She is special to me, that she sometimes understands the grief of my infertility better than I do. I can only hope to support her, help her remember.

Now I have to try my patience, because gosh, that family weekend isn't until April.

I know, she will need the time she needs, and so will I, to say nothing of DP. I may need lots more patience, loads more. But a wheel has been set in motion and for now I'm glad I asked. For now I believe that even if she needs more time than I may have I can still accept that reality and move on.

Can that funny brain cell that is starting to organise me moving to a house near her please stop packing boxes?!