Yay for Yoga

Yoga was fun!
Even though I was six minutes late I decided to just go. Glad I did.

I've read it on so many blogs that people experience pregnancy /birth waves around them, and finally there is one happening around me.
Former boss , Lily's sister, DP's cousin, my cousin.
Happy for them, and not sad at all for me. But the one miracle baby? That would be baby Delinquent Eggs. So so happy that miracles happen after repeated loss. My confession? I saved the photo of O & K. Like Delinquent said: she is perfect in every way. And I gaze upon that picture every now and then.
I'm terrible at goodbyes, so extra glad that not every good bye is final. And I secretly hope she will blog some more. But realise that is not very likely.

I'm getting a bit better at saying little things about missing Suzy's twin. Today on DP's lap she looked so tiny against his broad shoulders that I said he could easily have two on his lap. It would be more work. We would be more tired. It would be more special. But is it not that we are only "half" happy now. And when I think about it I do feel like I have five kids, including DP's boys, Knut, Suzy and Loki in that count.

BambiEyes

Who would have thought: BambiEyes is back! It's been two and a half years almost since our last therapy meeting.
It was lovely catching up with her. Great to share all the good news. I was almost tempted to not say anything about my forgetfulness, problems with concentrating (o dear, I forgot the rest of them symptoms) and the fact that my newest boss told me in our very first get-to-know-each-other meeting that if I kept going like that I would receive a bad annual review (which basically means no bonus and zero pay rise. the only thing worse than that is a very bad review which gets me fired)

It is hard to distinguish cause and effect with an unreliable thyroid, FSH and LH on menopause levels and breastfeeding a one year old, but any of these would be enough to get one off balance.
It is hard for me to judge the scale of the lack of focus, but it took me a second appointment with BambiEyes to finish writing about the first.
I love getting back to her.

She asked me what I do for me. When I answered i love having my Wednesday off and spending it with Delia and her little one she said that is mothering stuff.  Something for me. And I couldn't come up with anything. I stopped going to yoga since the new boss, and I haven't been back to my orchestra. I haven't been joining the evening skate tours for ages. I hardly get around to baking cakes or inviting friends over.
HB comes over, we go to his place, but that is almost always as a family of three.

Then she said that I've been through so much that I have been in survival mode for years. That maybe now we need to work on living.
I have a feeling I have all the right ingredients. Summer is coming, how hard can it be?
And hey, the blog is something for me! Started already.
And maaayyyybe I'll get a haircut too.
or a birthday party!

We Bought Our House

Today was a big day: we bought our house!
The paperwork took much longer than anyone expected, but with the renovation and all permits done and after the official waiting period (of another 7 weeks for anyone to object to our permit) we have signed for the house. Finally final.
And while we were at the notary we signed last will and testaments and a living-together contract as well.

We celebrated with a lunch with my parents at the new Waldorf Astoria on our canal. (we were seated on the blue sofa's on the left)

All babysitting options had fallen through, but Suzy was well behaved and generally adorable in her little Italian dress. Adding helpful comments  "Uh oh" when I dropped something, and helping DP eat his cake. In the hotel she would trundle around and steal hearts and smiles all around.

When we got home DP suddenly got nervous about paying our monthly costs, we did some excel but that did not really help. He even claimed he wanted to stop his weekly day off for Suzy. Then we all took naps. 
I googled for a picture of the dress, and was surprised to see an Italian look alike of Suzy modelling it.
Her face is different, but the hair is spot on (and I found a second hand version in red of the blue stripey dress)

FSH : LH

I did call the GP practice. I did get my numbers. I wrote them down. I took the note home. I googled the numbers. Found an early menopause website. Cause yes, numbers high enough to clearly point in the menopause direction. Then I got sucked into reading about all the options (or lack thereof). Part of my mind switched back to the whole infertile-in-the-trenches mindset. And I did not like it one bit.
And promptly swapped to denial. So now I lost the numbers.
I know it is on a neon pink post it, somewhere in the house. No longer sticking to the back of my mobile phone though. and it took me ages to get back to blog. I blame Bionic, who linked to that game 2048. ;-) It is highly, really highly addictive. Yet so simple. After I 'won' I managed to not play it for a couple of days. But it is a big time suck on the computer. Great for denial.
(as always, so glad I didn't get into the whole social media things, I don't venture from under my rock so far)

So, uhm. Have to get back to real life. Normal life. Where I do not really worry about my doctor (or science) not knowing everything. No regret about hypothetical missed chances. Just family (loads), ageing parents, and a few friends. And chocolate of course.
Have a nice evening!