Time flies, fun or not

Let's start with the non fun part where I left off.

DP's father was getting into kidney failure (showed from blood tests) on a Wednesday so we knew the end was near. Friday morning the phone rang and we were all travelling to FIL. DP was by car, he was in time, just like his mother, brother and SIL. I got the call later, and had to go by train and i was an hour late. It was sad, we were all sad and all together. A few days of activity to make arrangements. People insisted on Suzy being there as she was FILs favourite. It is not easy taking a 3 year old to a funeral. It was hard to be a mother, a partner, a stepmother, an aunt and a daughter all at once. So sometimes I let go and was just me. sad for me and FIL. I liked him, even if I never knew him in good health. I did let Suzy roll over the floor for a bit when she couldn't / wouldn't sit still anymore. Then I found myself holding youngest stepson (because DP was holding his mother) and realised I never hold them. It is OK both ways I suppose.
After the funeral - lunch on the 22nd of december we took MIL home with us for Christmas. On second Christmas day we had a big lunch with BIL and family and they took MIL home again.

Just in time to free up the guest room for my brother coming over with his boys for the last few days of the year. Such fun. We even arranged for a private boat tour to pick us up from home and do a round of the Light Festival. They also were excited to visit the new jaguar enclosure in the Zoo and spent so many hours there I had to take Suzy home earlier. They left on the 30th while I was with C8 in a small party to pick out her wedding dress for september.
31st HB came over to celebrate another year coming to an end. (third party in guest room. He even brought his own bedlinnen to help save us from mount laundry)

December 2016 was full of highs and lows, packed so full we didn't know what hit us.

end of year

Good news:

• Paxton (DP's oldest) moved in with us after the summer holidays
• My youngest cousin got married and Suzy was a bridesmaid/flowergirl
• DP's brother got married and Suzy pretended she was a flowergirl again
• I've got my work back.
• My brother is coming over for the big family christmas dinner 
• He is staying with us with his two boys
• Suzy is admitted (through lottery) to the Montessori school, our first choice.

Not so good news

• Work seems to want 110% of me, while I am willing to give 80-90%
• my brother's marriage seems to be almost over
• DP's father fell down the stairs mid October. Initially it seemed not so bad. He could still shuffle/walk and talk with us
• But every day in the recovery home FIL seems to get worse. He is loosing weight he cannot miss, has trouble eating, talking, holding or even seeing things. Even sitting up in a wheelchair seems to much some days. Did not recognise Suzy this week. 

DP is going there twice a week, once on the weekend, once on the Wednesday afternoon. This means he has to take Suzy (or, you know, arrange a sitter)

Plans:

• DP and I are planning a big party for September next year. We'll be together for twelve and a half years. Am dreaming of some kind of fantasy/pirate party on a ship maybe, where the ladies will wear wedding dresses (just to give everyone a chance, even if I or they are not getting married in this life or just want to wear that dress once more)
• Cousin5 and fiance are planning their wedding for September next year as well.
• They are expecting a baby in May
• Cousin8 is expecting a boy in Feb. She will come by for the family crib this weekend.
• Since I already gave Suzy's stroller to C5 I will give DeeDee's stroller to C8 (if she likes it after a test ride)  It would do my heart good to have those two bright lime coloured strollers sort of together for another set of almost twins.

Last week Cousin4 got a second child, also a boy. Just like with the first child I cannot believe they choose an Arabic name (Dutch father, Indonesian mother both with non Arabic names)

Also last week: Dutch Santa with all cousins 1-9 . I was sort of hoping Suzy would spend her time trying to get their attention, instead she wanted mine.all.the.time. Oh and little nephew copied her behaviour so I was holding more little hands and wiping more chins. Was mostly fun.

Certainly left little room for my avoidance.

At work I take action quite soon (but gosh I am not good at receiving feedback. People seem in awe for all my experience in the field, and expect me to do and know everything faster than they can. Maybe I could, but it will take me a couple of months to get there, not a couple of days!! Plus I do not want to be that person to barge in and tell people how it is done. Listen first, don't shoot) but with all the christmas drinks it is a bit hard to do all that mandatory socialising.

Not sure if I want to do yoga again.( My 10x pass ran out, and I haven't renewed (yet?)) My shoulder seems almost normal in daily life, it's just when I do yoga I realise how far I still have to recover.

Still following the blogs, but from the people I started out with in 2009 there are not many people left writing. (Thank you for still being there Mel and Twangy) Also the DE blogs I picked up have dried up. In this stage of life it doesn't seem to matter much. Suzy doesn't understand or care, she just knows I'm her mommy and calls me that a million times. I am comfortable with that.

When I notice family resemblances in other people, or encounter some kind of trigger I am aware of the DE. But for now it is just a fact in my life, just like my greying hair.

PS I've gone ahead and started the process of straightening my teeth with invisible braces. Should be done in time for the party!