Donor Eggs.
It is not very common in the Netherlands. We just had the law changed in 2004 (or so) that gamete donors may not be anonymous anymore. Also financial reward is not allowed, and clinics are prohibited from mediating between intended parents and egg donors. Oh, and if you do find someone yourself she can only be a donor if she already has her own family complete (and a list of other requirements of course)
This makes my 20something year old cousin off limits here.
Have to find out about Belgium. Though I'd be reluctant to drag her all the way over there. In this country people think a 3 hour drive is long. It would require days off of work for her, and it seems silly when there are plenty of hospitals around the corner.
Plus I feel I should not ask this big huge question as long as I'm not prepared to take no for an answer. I always tell others not to ask a question if you're not prepared to hear the answer, so I'll stick to that as long as I can. I love her so much, that I owe her at least that. She has been through a lot in life, lost her partner 3y and her mother 2y ago. I've been trying to be there for her, as a big sister. Trying to piece back her existence. She is doing fine now.
I dream of my child calling her nana, sort of mix between dna and aunty, and very close to the dutch mamma...
This bit before I wrote in November. Still wondering. Torn between giving up a dna connection with my baby and the desire that my baby is also family deep down. She (my cousin) looks just like me, we really could be sisters. We have travelled together in different parts of the world. In some ways I feel we are parts of each other.
In the past months she has mentioned that she doesn't know if she wants to have children, leaning to not.
On the other hand, I myself look nothing like my mother, I take after my father. My brother and I seem not even related. (apart from that one personality test about decision making, there we had identical scores)
Again, I have not dared to talk to DP about this. It is going to be this much harder to be disappointed by the people I love most...
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Wow, your really have some tough questions to ask. Yourself and family members... but also your legal system. I wish you the best of luck and if there's anything I can do to help or give advise, just let me know. We traveled to Sweden from England for IVF.
ReplyDeleteWe always think of the Netherlands as ultra-liberal, but not on this, eh?
ReplyDeleteSo many things to think about for you, Valery. Such a sensitive area. You are very thoughtful and tactful though, you can pick your way through, I know you can. You'll work it out.
Much luck with it all.
xx
I think the first conversation you need to have is with your DP to find out his thoughts on the matter. He'll be able to give you support and you can form a plan together. It's a lot to have to carry around all by yourself. As to your cousin, I agree that you have to prepare yourself for her to say no. Although from what you've described it sounds like she'd be open to helping you.
ReplyDeleteI know how difficult this decision can be, sorry you're having to go through this.