Signed and Paraphed

The Big Family Dinner was a lovely success. Twenty people had a good time, first in the City Museum, then at home.
Mom even found last year's notes, including times for lighting the fire place and putting pre-dinner snacks in the oven.
We had baby candles in the christmas tree, I did light them for all your missing little ones too. I'll ask an uncle if he got some pictures of that.
After dinner (including christmas pudding with rum-butter) there were endless cakes, chocolates, teas and coffees.

And then today we met my parents again, at the notary. Now that the paperwork is signed and paraphed (and paraphed and paraphed some more) DP and I can say we bought a house together.
22 years ago I was an anti-squatter / house-sitter in this same house. Then it was converted into an office. Now the office moved out and we bought the top part of the building, to convert back into living space.
It is a world heritage building, so we will need permits every step of the way. We have only just begun applying for those permits, so we have no idea how long it is all going to take. My father the optimist thinks it will be a matter of a few months. I'll be happy if it will be less than a year before we can move. It has taken 13 months to even get to this stage of provisional contract. The commitment is real now, just that time of transfer will depend on the next 2 permits.
Both DP and my mother have asked now if we shouldn't go shopping for the grasshopper. But as long as I'm not totally fluffy in the head I think I prefer to puzzle with gas pipes, flooring and kitchen equipment.

Poor mom

If forced to choose, I'm a bit of a daddy's girl. He used to pick out my school. My brother was more my mothers child, she picked his school. And now he is married, in London, to a woman who acts like we are not family and I think my mom feels it most acute of us all.

Today is the big family dinner with my mother's family. My brother wrote he would come. And an hour before he was supposed to get in the plane he calls that he can't make it, cause the nanny's kid got chickenpox. And apparently SIL can't care for the boys for the one night. (in April they will be 2 and 4) (something with her neck)
Oh, and it is raining in London, so they are going for a 5 day trip to the sun.

Um, yeah.

Poor mom.

Told you so

You already know. x-mas without having the kids you always dreamed of hurts.
So for me for the very first time x-mas didn't fill me with the usual dread. I even did some 'decorating' with these candle holders

As a nice favour of the universe we have some role reversal: the StepTeen is refusing to come over for the holidays, not even the smallest part. He hasn't been over since DP shared the pregnancy news with the boys in August (Even though it weighs heavily on me sometimes I feel it is not my story to blog about)  I think DP kept believing he would turn around, especially now, so poor DP is behaving like a wounded animal. He even managed to put into words 'I don't feel like celebrating x-mas now'. And now that it has come this far there is absolutely no point in saying the obvious. I don't even think that pointing out that I managed to survive 7 x-masses with his boys will help at all.
So instead this week he is spoiling the younger kid with x-box Lego-Lord-Of-The-Rings, and I have arranged a drinking session on X-mas Eve with HB (who completely denies x-mas, as his mother is not aware of it much and is confusing him with other family members, dead or alive)

To end on a happier note: my brother is coming over from London for the Big Family Dinner in my family on the 27th. He suggested he wanted to come over just to see me pregnant, but I'm so glad he is not ignoring the 20 other family members, it makes my mother very happy.

So, wishing you the stamina for yet another x-mas. A drunk uncle, a deceased (grand)father, a stopped heartbeat or failed cycle, I hope that despite everything you'll find a tiny candle you can light for the one(s) you're missing. Even if you can't speak up to your family about it, you deserve it. I'll try again this year. The speaking up bit may be a bit much, but I'll make sure to light plenty of candles for all of us.

30 weeks and kicking

Grasshopper had turned around for today's scan, and was head down, twisted backwards. But with some firm pressure the midwife could still get a good reading on the head, and it was perfectly average (P~50).
Legs even longer (no I'm not at 33 weeks yet!) and belly even bigger, P>97. Estimated weight almost 2 kilos. This raised some concern about diabetes, so my blood glucose was tested.
The funny thing about the glucose test was that it was 4.8 again, same value as my sober test a few weeks ago. I know this doesn't quite mean I could have had breakfast then, but still. (but yay for super quick test results, no worrying over the weekend necessary)
Thyroid and blood pressure, all good. Placenta on the left, explains why I feel most kicks on the right.
Sometimes the kicks are so firm that DP asked if it didn't hurt me. No, I'm lucky so far. And we asked, there is no such thing as 'too much movement'.
Having bad days with zero concentration and back aches wasn't a concern apparently, she just said to enjoy the good days. Oh and what I thought was (bluish) bruising around my navel? Just increased blood supply...
And today (Friday) was a good day. Met up with the architect and some building inspection guy in the house we're hoping to buy. Just a precursory meeting, to smooth the way of permits being allowed. We'll need heaps of permits, as it is a world heritage building, but at least we're allowed to start preliminary work soon. While we were waiting I was chatting with the receptionist. At some point she remarked that there was no need for me to worry, as I was still so young, under 30 (?)
I'll blame my rosy shiny happy cheeks....

28 -29

Braxton Hicks, don't know why that didn't occur to me, thank you for pointing it out.
Drinking more seems a bit hard now. Getting food in my stomach is not a problem, but when I drink more than half a cup it feels like it wants to come back up.

My Sil gave me a whole bag of maternity clothes. Mostly summer clothes, but anyway. And at the last minute threw in some belly creams. I tried them all as my skin was getting sensitive, and ended up with itchy skin covered with little bumps. It took a while before I realised it might not be caused by the stretching of the skin, but by one of the new creams. Allergic, who would have thought. Back to the expensive oil I was using before, and the bumps were gone in a few days.
My navel has been on the rise since week 26. In 27 it was horizontal, since 28 I can see the edge rise, mm by mm. I must have bruised it somehow, it is so very sensitive and slightly blue.
Somehow it feels like I've gotten much bigger this week.
Or maybe it is that people at work have started to notice now. Or, feel they have enough evidence to say something. And since I'm struggling to open the heavy office doors, or get belly cramps when I walk up the stairs that I try to massage away, I think I stopped hiding my belly.
One of the DBAs said I don't have to hide anything. He surprised me, he never said anything personal before, and I always chalked it up to his Indian background.
One of the older guys suggested I had maybe swallowed a football? I agreed, saying I'm working on a 
skippy ball.
I don't know why, but I always thought I would have a ball-belly. So when the first 20something weeks I was just generally expanding between pelvic bone and breast bone I was vaguely surprised/disappointed (and at the same time laughing at myself) But the last weeks a ball-belly has been emerging.
Weirdest was going back to my favourite (normal) clothes store to ask for a December dress. They found something stretchy for me+belly that was elegant as well. And then complimented me on my beautiful belly...
Is that normal in other countries? I still think it is weird.

hiccups

In the train, on the way to our Dutch Santa/Sinterklaas celebration, I felt something move in my belly. More than once. Rythmic. Gentle. And after a while I thought that must be the first hiccups.
DP started smiling and said "don't move, I'll come sit next to you." And he could feel it too.

When exchanging gifts with all my cousins there were even two gifts (with poems) for the little one.
Also two cousins (34 and 27 y.o.) brought new girlfriends for the first time, so family is expanding quite muchly. 13 of us now, we started with just 8 in 2004. Was a lovely evening.

PS grasshopper is funny: as soon as I hit publish I can feel little hiccups again ;-)