Emboldened by your kind comments I resumed holiday talk on the Sunday night.
Which turned out a bit of disaster.
And DP saying he wanted to go to Sweden with just the boys FOR TWO WEEKS. And he grabbed my laptop and started reading out loud booking options.
Which was cruel in two ways - rubbing it in - I couldn't blog!!
So I went to bed fuming.
Thursday BambiEyes again. She agreed this was worth starting all over again.
-what would my ideal holiday look like
-what are his fears
-what are his dreams
-don't go into logistics or compromise straight away, feelings first, listening first.
And I tried again after dinner last night.
Well, DP's fears are easy: he is afraid of frustration build up in the holiday and loosing regular contact with his oldest again, like two years ago.
I did point out that two years ago we lost Loki on the very first day of our trip.
I did point out that he only lost contact AFTER he told the boys about Suzy and his ex throwing a Hissy Fit.
I said it wasn't fair to blame that all on me. (and punish me by excluding me)
I promised to have a happier holiday if no children would die
DP said things like : "you are not listening" "at some point we are done talking"
but I refused to give up (slowly crumbling on the sofa, my voice wavering, my legs shaking)
saying we hadn't even begun talking, saying it is OK to disagree, saying we don't have to solve everything in one day, but most definitely not done talking.
Then we made a start with unravelling the framework, phrasing the conditions for a holiday.
So not including my parents (geez how did he think I was insisting on accepting their offer too?)
Enough room for each family member to have some privacy.
Boy activities for the boys.
A separate time for my parents, DP, Suzy and me
I offered to fly with Suzy while they drive.
We agreed we can give it a try to work it out. Sleep on it first. Pfffew.
writing it down it all seems so simple and obvious now, but OMG I had so much hormones racing around my body I woke up at 5 am.
And I realised Suzy doesn't have a passport yet.
The to do list suddenly exploded!
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You handled it amazingly! Well done not to cave in and to stay rational, chapeau!
ReplyDeleteIt will definitely work out much better than the last time and it will be a great bonding experience. Get going with that passport!!
Men. Sometimes it's really hard having a conversation with them!
ReplyDeleteOoh. I can relate to the shaky legs. I hate to argue! Well done though, it sounds like you got to the bottom of it; DP is afraid of losing touch with the big one. It makes total sense when you say it like that. It's good to talk. I hope you feel better now and can find the right place. Which surely must exist. Xx
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