Pictures

I think we were seven years old, two people who didn't quite fit in with the rest of the class, J and me. I think he was the only boy who wanted to be a girl and I was the only girl who wanted to be a boy. We became friends. Our lives couldn't have been more different and we are not really close. Just sometimes when it really matters we are simply there. He has tried many jobs and business ideas in his life, but the one thing he is truly gifted with is photography. He does portraits in a way you feel like you know the person.
So despite the fact he lives in a windy corner of France now I've asked if he would come over and capture something of the early days of the grasshopper.
And since I wouldn't know when exactly I offered he could stay (camp) at our new place for two weeks or so.
It was a bit of a lengthy email, and he replied with a one liner 'you mean of the delivery?'
That sounded a bit shocked to me, so I reassured him I meant at home, no blood, just tasteful pictures of a family beginning.

Today I had lunch with a common friend of ours, my high school friend An. I urged her to contact J to make sure she would be in one of the pictures with baby as well.

This afternoon I had J on the phone, in tears. That he heard from An I had misunderstood. Explaining that he was so honoured and overwhelmed by my request that he had not managed to put into proper words that he would love to be here for the delivery. That he has witnessed so many deaths in his life, but had never been there for a birth.
(He already lost both his parents, and he took care of one person dying of AIDS who was like a father to him. I don't even know how many friends he lost to AIDS)

I don't know.
I do know that delivery is planned to happen in my hospital (can't remember which particular medical reason, but there was one), so I'm not one of the dutchies that has the choice of a home birth and I don't regret that. Also that hospital is a teaching hospital, so there could be loads of different people walking in and out. With all my checks I've never found it a problem if there was an extra person or two in the room, they always seemed very nice and quiet.

But.

Well.
Half my brain says it's a fantastic offer of J. I can always decide not to look at those pictures. I could ask him to be nearly invisible. It's not like DP and I will be alone much anyway. If J doesn't take pictures there will be none.

But. If DP doesn't even want my mother to be around the hospital it seems unfair to ask J. I don't think they even met?
Sigh, if DP only came home we could discuss it. But he's an hour late, so he will probably be hungry and grumpy.
might as well start dinner...

update: DP wasn't grumpy, even unusually talkative. But thought that delivery was too personal to invite people to.
And there is the timing thing. It is a 12 hour drive from France. DP thinks that baby will be faster than J, I think J will be faster and baby will take more like 24 hours or so...
Right now I'm leaning towards only pictures after birth, but maybe a picture of cutting the cord isn't too weird to consider... I'll sleep on it...