Transitions

I just reread last year's post. Still had a bag of those unwilling candles, now the one on the table is burning calmly by my side. Some white roses in a vase.
Still get sad with tears streaming down my face. But it is a different sad. I'm not drowning in it anymore. It doesn't leave me completely exhausted, unable to think with my brain turned to wet wool, incapable of facing the day after. (Although I remember all of that clearly)

Still miss my-little-one-that-never-was, the hurt is real, but no longer scary. Makes me want to cuddle soft toys where before it made me want to scream, made me so so Angry. Luckily ToroPatudo sits with me and doesn't mind being smothered.
It's ok to be sad today, it is safe, it is part of me, of infertility. Tomorrow will be another day.

And there will always be tea and chocolate.

We miss you Knut.