Normally BambiEyes doesn't share anything about herself. It's only when booking in next appointments (or cancelling them) she tells me why she is not available. Like when she got married. I didn't even know she was in a relationship, let alone how she felt about it.
So normally there is nothing for me to worry about. Until this time. She cancelled with under an hour notice, because she suddenly had to go for an extra OB check, but it should be nothing.
I don't know about you, but 'unexpected and urgent' does not equal 'hunky-dory' to me. So instead of my usual outlet and the reassurance I get from her, I felt panicky and jittery. She emailed later to say everything was ok. But suddenly this pregnancy was a lot closer than I thought it would ever get.
Somewhere last week I was having lunch with an aunt of mine, she lives close by. This aunt helped me picking some flowers for our little ritual of saying goodbye to our biological baby in June. She said she had expected that closure would lift my unhappiness by now, that I would move on. She does not know about our DE plans. While I was thinking of a way to explain I had not given up hope entirely and was muttering something about exploring not-biological options she suddenly came out with 'don't do that'.
She said her mother was 40+ when getting children and as a child she hadn't liked that. (My grandma was suffering diabetes and relied on my aunt as her little helper. This may have had something to do with it. Or not. I was too flabbergasted to ask) Also I shouldn't consider foster children, that was too hard for me. (She is right, but geez) I should join this orchestra she found for me, start a day job again, play organised sports, move on with my life and accomplish something again. It 'd make me happy.
Pfew.
HB consoled me that at least she had given me her honest opinion, based on her experience in life. And DP said he didn't want us to be too old either, that we should take extra care of our health so we keep fit.
Just now my brother texted me he had some airline discount vouchers valid till the end of this year, if I was interested. I asked DP, and he said 'Spain'.
Wow.
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Ugh, indeed, not cool at all, especially your aunt. People shouldn't project their own lives on others, but many do...
ReplyDeleteAnd the BambiEyes situation isn't cool either - apart from your specific situation, I think in general healthcare professionals shouldn't tell us what's going on with their own health - my midwife called me last week to change an am to a pm appointment because she was sick. So I responded 'sure, if you feel up to it' (thinking she might have the flu or something, so why would she feel better in the afternoon), to which she responded that it wasn't contagious, she was just getting a transfusion in the morning... Hmm. TMI.
But... great comment from DP!!
Well, my flabber would be gasted too, I think.
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Sometimes people apply their own experience when it is simply not relevant, you know? Or, being human, they get confused as to where one thing ends (having to look after young siblings) and another (children after 40) begins. And it's easy to forget that our life expectancy is much longer than the previous generation and we are much fitter. As DP points out..
Stuff your aunt. Noone can make those decisions for you except YOU. And there are probably just as many people who had younger parents and wished they would've been a little older...
ReplyDeleteAlso: Wow! That's about the biggest YES from DP he's ever given... Yippie!
I think this is my favourite post you have ever written about DP. He has really changed (or your attitude towards him has) in the last year. Yay for tickets to Spain!
ReplyDeleteAs to your Aunt, it is just one woman's experience and take from it what you want and throw away the rest.
My naturopath does get much more personal with me than I think most "regular" doctors do - and certainly more than a therapist would. But when I got a call from her last year to ask me how my experience with miscarrying with misoprostol had been, I wound up calling her back later when I knew the office was closed, and leaving a message saying that it was none of my business, but I hoped she hadn't been calling to discuss that for herself (I knew she was planning to TTC sometime) and if she was, that I was sorry. It turns out it was for another patient of hers who wanted to know what to expect, but as strange as it was to mak that call to a doctor, after I did it I was glad I did, whether it was her or not.
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