Monday, November 15, 2010

3, 2, 1, 0

4 years ago I was so hoping for a baby, but DP wasn't ready yet. When his brother announced a bit later they were expecting I cried secretly.
3 years ago DP's nephew was born, we had started TTC and I was happy to see him holding his newborn nephew, thinking that soon it would be our turn.
2 years ago on nephews first birthday I sat there with a happy smug smile because I was pregnant! The more babies and toddlers the merrier.
1 year ago, I'm not quite sure now how I survived that birthday. A bit desperate, but also determined to not give up hope.
Yesterday was hard. I didn't want to be there, even if it was only 10 AM to noon, but DP insisted and I was too miserable to protest. It was supposed to be a small party because DP's SIL just came out of hospital, so it was family only.  (DP +2 kids, her one brother +2 kids, her other brother +2 kids, two sets of grandparents and 1 greatgrandmother) Small party I think not. Nephew got more toys already than my brother and me ever had in our life. It was hard to be the only childless person in the room. It was hard to admit there is only a 0,1% chance I'm pregnant right now. I don't even know my cycle days any more, my 2 week wait hardly ever gets to two weeks anyway with a cycle of around 21 days.
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4 comments:

  1. Circus PrincessNovember 15, 2010 at 11:27 PM

    Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
  2. FranNovember 17, 2010 at 12:31 PM

    Sweetie, I hare to hear you so upset and miserable. Do something, be proactive, take charge of what you want to do in your future. I'm sending you big hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Twangypearl the Elastic GirlNovember 24, 2010 at 4:58 PM

    Hugs from me too. For lack of anything else I can do.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. MijkeNovember 26, 2010 at 8:53 AM

    Oh yes. Those birthday parties suck, big time. I remember crying, in public, in a room full of inlaws, because my SILs were singing/playing Jan huigen in de ton with all EIGHT of our nephews and nieces. Crying because I feared I would never be a part of something like that.

    I just couldn't stop myself. They must've thought I lost it or something. If you kept your tears to yourself, you're a better person than I am.

    Big hug, and lots more to get you through Sinterklaas. That one sucks even more...

    ReplyDelete

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