That was his answer when I asked if he wasn't afraid of what our future will be. Argh! I can see the logic of it, but I can't accept it!
Yes, it is different for men. Especially if they already have children. I just can't see myself trying a couple more cycles, monitored or not, and then settle for childless stepmom, staying home with their father. I don't want to! I don't want to pretend to be part of his family. Everyone has children. His brother. and his parents obviously. I don't feel so much at home with my immediate family (my parents have children too, gah!) and even my own brother became a father in April this year. In 12 days he will fly with his wife and son over to this little country and visit. I'm supposed to come to my parents house and join the family. It scares me so. What if I don't like his baby? What if I love him instantly? What if his millionaire wife will not let me touch him? What if I can't stop crying?
Today 1 year ago I miscarried after 49 days. The only tangible thing left is the HPT with the faint second line on my bedside table. That line is probaly bigger than the little bean ever was...
Can't we turn the clock back? Can't I have another chance?
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You could have any amount of chances if it was up to me, my friend. I'll be thinking of you on this hard anniversary day..
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