Summer every other week or so

The exam was a very serious affair; 2,5 hours practical assessment in the morning, 3 hours theoretical in the afternoon. In total I wrote 37 numbered pages. Not all fully scribbled mind you, but different thoughts at least. So much writing my fountain pen ran out of ink!
My throat was hurting, from the Cold That Never Goes Away, and during both sessions I went for a toilet break to clear my head. I still am in no condition to produce that much concentration. Time management was a big issue on this day, I do not believe it is humanly possible to write everything down in that time to get full marks. And the results might take 4 to 6 weeks! Too long to keep holding frustration. The day after I spend in bed and on the couch, thinking of cancelling the SOS BBQ. We didn't though.
DP loves a BBQ and the lousy weather meant he had the deck to himself and the guests staying inside. After a while I was able to enjoy myself as well. Have to remember that a party is not the occasion to have deep personal conversations with everyone, so I will stop beating myself up over that.

In other news. A couple of weeks ago, around Pentecost I think, J moved in with us. Most of his belongings are in storage in France, he is here with some basics and his photo equipment and computers. He is not completely invisible, he pops out for dinner every day when we call him. He is taking care of his health, in the process of trying to get himself admitted for treatment. But I have decided to just be here for him, not ask questions about how or what or why. Generally I'm not such a charitable person, I do not donate money all over the place. I try to be aware of all the privileges I'm born into and grew up with and this seems something I can do. Offer a spare bed and plate. Suzy got used to him, DP seems happy to have someone share a bottle/glass of wine with over dinner. I simply hope this is a basis, an anchor for J after losing everyone and most everything.
During the BBQ it seemed that HB was not really interested in meeting another adult orphan, I don't think he had much of a 'click' with J. O well, not everyone's grief is compatible.

Taking care of Suzy a full extra day per week is something I'm still adjusting to. Still aligning activities for the Monday and finding people to go to. A clever birthday present from my parents: a year ticket to the Zoo.

Yesterday seems to feel like my first proper day off, Suzy was off to day care. My electric bike was fixed and I took it for a detour.

Here are some summer samples of the very Dutch landscape I biked though:

Windmill first, sheep sleeping in the shade second. And I've tried to add a 'panorama' video to show you How Very Flat the Dutch landscape can be. The sound is from a bird, and the soft summer breeze and the smell of grass you'll have to imagine with it.

Today I went back to the office to have lunch with my men, then I had tea with Lily. The situation with the hipster isn't getting any better, and he has less people to blame now, so she is getting some of it. Luckily with our combined experience with him and with therapy she can reckognise all the transfer and projection that he is doing and she is already on the lookout for a nicer job elsewhere. It was so good to see her again, have to make sure we keep in touch somehow.

Still so very tired though....