Mixed Signals and Symbols

On Scary Saturday I reverted to polar bears for comfort. But now week and a half later, I realise I had chosen Knut as a symbol of the child we will never have. And that, maybe, now that that last scan was OK I could try to hold on to Toro Patudo again, souvenir from Spain. Toro is so playful with its coloured feet, cheerful. Hopeful.
Maybe it was passing that 7 week mark where it went wrong the other time, that was hard to believe, and even harder to be playful about. That other time I felt absolutely dreadful the whole weekend. And then the cramps started and it was all over.
Now a bit fearful for everything that feels out of the ordinary. What is this twinge left side? Why does my bladder feel so weird? How come lower belly is so sensitive? Feeling more tired everyday makes me more worried everyday. The two dutch twin-mom-blog-readers have been doing a great job at reassuring me this is part of this package deal.Even though it feels like mixed signals to me. Still tired though...


And then came the thyroid. No wonder I was getting so tired. I have some medication of 25 mg left over, I'm taking that over the weekend, the initial lower dose. And I feel a bit better for it already (or want to believe I do). Even if on Monday I get prescribed the 50 mg I still get to get there in smaller steps.

The boys are excited about the bike trip. I'm happy about that, happy they didn't go blah why can't we go abroad. The younger one even made victory sounds and signs when we told him we will sleep in a castle the first night. And take a look:

Wouldn't you want to stay there? You can...