The Counsellor was ok. Bit older than us and she spoke with a Flemish accent, which sounds to Dutch ears as Very Clear ProNuNCiaTioN. As I had thought a lot of time was spent on 'consequences for everyone involved', on the most basic level: what will we tell whom and when. Since I've been fairly open about my lack of eggs it makes the most sense to be open about donor eggs from the beginning as well. But the most important point for me was to realise that it is possible to have a known donor, but NOT share her identity till the child is ready and interested.
Experience learns that some children are interested, feel a 'missing piece' and other children are simply not.
She stressed the point that I will be the ONLY mother, that it is the clinic's point of view that the donor should not want nor get any motherly bond or contact.
While I agree on me being the real mother I have to get used to the idea of not having some kind of casual contact.
The short term outcome of this step is that Fof, our partners and I need to agree on what to tell the existing children. Probably some story of 'nice lady went to the hospital to give an egg' for DP's boys and 'mommy went to the hospital to give an egg so some nice lady can have a baby too' for their girls, without names for the 'nice ladies' involved. Of course these genetic-half-siblings only need to be told in case of actual live baby being born.
But we need to agree before Fof's CCC appointment next week. Sounds simple enough. I have no doubt it will be easy to agree, but pffffff it is another little step that I have to arrange.
O well, pharmacy was easy thank goodness. Name, date of birth, 15 euro, goodbye. Since DP had to attend some school evening for his boy I spent the evening at HB. And because it had been at his place I took my last pregnancy test it seemed the right time and place to take my first pill there too. At least that was easy.
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Good luck with that next step. I'm sure you'll be able to agree on something, but yes, when you're giving a time frame of a week, that all sounds a bit scary. Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI think using a known donor must make it easier in some ways (yay, we know her, we trust her, we know she isn't secretly a bloodsucking troll werewolf hybrid), but in some ways harder (how to navigate the future relationship). But it sounds like you, DP and Fof all have good heads on your shoulders and will come through this well.
ReplyDeleteOh, the hoops we must jump through to make our dreams come true! I am sure it will be a straightforward process to get a story together. And, then you will be on your way!
ReplyDeleteWell done. That was a big one. xx
ReplyDelete(I find the Flemish accent being all over-pronuncified fascinating. I love accents.)