This was our little goodbye basket, just before I put it to sea. And if your sense if irony is well developed you'll appreciate that everything about it was hard:
In the middle a struggling candle, that had trouble staying upright. (The candle on the beach wouldn't burn for more than two seconds before the wind blew it out again)
The white flower is from a Hortensia in my parents' garden that has been there for a very long time. My aunt gave me little blue Hydrangeas to match, and a handful of forget-me-not-s. From HB's garden some lavender, from our balcony some strands of oregano, thyme and rosemary. I meant to rub them to release the soothing aroma but DP was helping and had already put them in.
From me was a little strand of hair, tied with a ribbon from my brothers wedding.
From DP was a little goodbye letter. I was hoping he would read it, but he just put it in the basket. I managed to convince him to take a picture before we let go. (But the picture is out of focus)
Then we waited for a moment between waves, I set the basket down on the water and it floated, ... just... till the next wave toppled it over. DP picked everything up, tried again, but the waves kept pushing it back even though the tide was going out. Then we decided to throw caution and the basket to the wind, I just wanted to make it go away.
DP watched the upside down basket bobbing in the waves for a while, I just buried my tears against his shoulder. Feeling slightly silly in my grey silk summer dress. Oh deep sigh, that critical voice would just not shut up. It just kept pointing out the meaninglessness, kept saying that none of this was real, that we were faking it.
So, anyway, life and or universe don't go to plan, it is not like we didn't know.
At least the sunset was beautiful.
I think you've got every right to mourn. And just because the ceremony didn't entirely go to plan doesn't render it meaningless.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if this is a wildly inappropriate thing to mention, but a priest I know did an ash-scattering ceremony that the family wanted filmed. Apparently it was a really windy day and the film is all of the ash blowing back in the priest's eyes and him grimly getting on with it.
But just because the video went a bit pear-shaped (and personally I think it's a bit of an odd idea) doesn't mean that the family didn't care for and honour their loved one. Which is the main thing.
I'm so sad for you, so sad. Many hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou can always say goodbye again, if this goodbye doesn't work for you, you know. You can say goodbye as many times as you need to. I said goodbye to my first with paper boats on the river and it was lovely and moving and I was so annoyed to realise, a few days later, that I hadn't got any closure or peace at all after all. So I say goodbye quite often, and feel it more each time.
The basket looks beautiful. I'm sorry the sea did not cooperate. Sending you lots of hugs.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a brave, lovely thing to do, Valery. Never mind the elements not cooperating.
ReplyDeletexx