Some small steps taken

Some things have taken an awfully long time.

 My laptop broke down in October. To find out if it could be repaired should have taken only two weeks, but it took more than 3 months before I had it back. Together with HB (who knows a bit about these things and found the manual) I took it apart to recover the hard disk. Thank goodness my data was not lost. But the rest doesn't seem salvageable.

Mhm, it may not sound so relevant, but it was one of those classic 'we'll call you back in two weeks, just wait and it will be alright' scenarios. Grinding on my patience and resilience. It should not have been this hard.
I have a new laptop now, a biscotti. And am comfortable blogging again!

So, what else happened in the past couple of weeks while I was thinking-but-not-blogging?

I sent an email to the hospital where I had my attempt at IVF two years ago, all nice doctors, asking how I should go about IVF with a donor. They came back to me saying they don't do DE-IVF, not even if I bring a donor.... and referred me to either the big academic hospital or some other clinic.
One step forward, one step back.
I googled the big hospital, nice website so it took me about 7 seconds to find out that 'after diagnosis is complete, the waiting list for IVF is 12 months'
Cue panic and tears. Two steps back! HB calmed me down, saying I could be proud of myself for taking the first small step, contacting my first hospital.
Next Steps are next steps. And finding a hospital or clinic is one of them.
What else? yes, I have an appointment with my GP on Friday, to ask her what she knows about DE-IVF and write a referral letter for me. (Having an appointment counts as a step, right?)
Oh and I finally have an appointment with BambiEyes again! She fell ill in October (just wait two weeks), quit her job at the end of last year (just wait two weeks), found a new place (just wait two weeks), had to find out about her training there (just wait two weeks. Grinding on my patience and resilience. It should not have been this hard! where did I write that before?!) and actually offered me 7 appointments, starting end of March, almost every Friday till she gets married in June.
I'll ask her if she can do the required psychological screening for a dutch DE-IVF. (Does this count as 7 steps?)

And the most important one? I reconnected with FoF, I popped by her place one Monday evening, we had a spontaneous chat and her offer to be an egg donor for me still stands! She welcomed the idea of meeting again for a coffee with me bringing information about it! Of course I hardly slept, and the next day at work I got no work done, but I have the brochures sorted I think.

DP read the brochures as well, and we have been talking about different aspects that we will need to agree on with the donor and her partner. DP does not yet have much of an opinion, but at least the subjects are in the back of his mind. And since we probably need to compromise with 4 adults in total it is probably easiest not to have strong opinions anyway.

Yes, I'm still scared of everything that can and will go wrong. But as Twangy said "we can't let fear be the thing that stops us". My safety net is in place, if I were to fall apart I know DP is not giving up on me (imperturbable martian), and BambiEyes and HB will help sort the pieces.

I'm also thinking about researching DE-IVF abroad. Thinking I can always pull out from a waiting list if I don't want to do it....Thank you Sweet G for your elaborate write up about your experience. Maybe it is not so hard after all to find a donor who is not completely anonymous, if you even saw pictures....

I guess most of these steps have not gone past the email stage, nothing really happened that cannot be reversed, but that will likely stay that way till the actual beginning of taking medication....
It feels though as if the journey has started.