My brother

My phone gives me a text message when I miss a call. So when I saw a missed call from my brother I sent off an email asking if he had good news about his new job. When I didn't get a reply I just assumed there was no news just yet.
I was wrong. Well, about the job I was right, it was the good news part. He wanted to tell me personally. Yep, you guessed it, his wife is pregnant again. The due date is next May. MAY?? That is, like, nine months from now! yes yes, he knows things could maybe not go according to plan, but he wanted to tell me anyway.
It is not that I didn't expect it, if this works the kids will be 25 months apart, so the part of my brain that can count had already worked out this was a possibility.
I don't know. I don't know how I feel. I know I could feel happy or sad. Or both. But knowing and feeling are different things. And I don't know how to feel it.

And always such a very little remark with a sting "what good a summer holiday can do". (They went to Hawaii recently) Dear brother, that's not just a little sting, that is pure IF venom. But I didn't say anything. He knows that my 8 month long break was good for nothing.

The weather turned grey again. I'm so tired of it already, it makes me feel so grey on the inside.
And on those endless grey days it is so hard to believe the sun will shine again.

Sigh, should check if he told DP when he answered the phone. But don't feel like talking. At least it is bedtime over here.