It's one of those mornings.
The younger kid wakes up and trudges upstairs and crawls in bed with DP. First the mad scramble to put on some underwear before he's allowed under the cover. Then I sneak off to the bathroom and put on yesterdays clothes, not to return to the big bed....
I just can't do it.
I try to understand how important it is to DP. That half sleepy state, the closeness. The chance to bury your nose in the hair of someone you love, the falling asleep again.
I just can't do it.
I'm hoping the kids would grow out of it, but have been hoping for 5 years now. The oldest doesn't come anymore when I'm still in the bed, but I'm thinking he just picks up on my bad vibes. Because the weekend I fled it was all three of them in the big man bed.
I was telling myself I'd get used to it....
I just can't do it.
I'm telling myself that if it bothers me so much I should discuss it again with DP, I know he misses me when I sneak away. But I feel like such a failure. (and one of my rules is: discuss it or shut up about it, but whatever you do, no moaning)
My revenge plan for today is to lure DP into the outdoor shop and ask the travel doctor to stab him with the vaccinations.... ha, made myself smile there.
It's going to be an interesting weekend since the oldest stepkid is sick and didn't come. It's the first time with just one kid. I'm hoping it will be easier, but right now he is trying to get my attention and help for setting the breakfast table. I better try and reward him....
Have a good weekend!
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I had to smile at the scrambling to put on your underwear when the stepchild enters the bed - I often wonder if I were a bio mom if I would be so concerned. The Teenager used to crawl into bed with Mr. Hatter when he was young, too...it's such a strange feeling, lying there alone while there's a cuddlefest next to you that you're just not a part of...Over time, Mr. Hatter would move The Toddler over to the centre of the bed to try to share the love, but after only a couple of years together, these things just can't be forced. They say it takes at least 4-5 years to bond with stepchildren, and I suppose that all depends on how often you see each other, how much mental voodoo biomom subjects them to, and how inclusive the biodad is. I think it took about that long in our case - so from the age of 1 to the age of 6 or so...that's when my stepchild started to become more affectionate and I could unthinkingly sip from the same water bottle. Interestingly, after 16 years, I have found the past little while particularly difficult as having my own baby becomes more and more elusive...I am afraid The Teenager "knows" I am seeking fertility treatment and has told biomom - I know I shouldn't care, but I do.
ReplyDeleteSorry to babble on - I just wanted you to know that I get it. It's hard when husbands and stepchildren are all aligned and connected with one another, but when infertility is also an issue, it's that much more painful. I hope the weekend goes okay, and I really like your revenge plan! :-)
Take care.
Love,
Maddy