Last week DP was on the phone with his brother, and at some point told him about our success with our Spanish IVF. A little while later I realised he just shared the good news part of the story. No mention of twins or the vanishing thereof. Instead his SIL came on the phone and within 30 seconds I heard DP say we were not planning a home birth. (?!)
Had to leave the room at that point.
This Tuesday DP mentioned he would be picking up the boys on Friday and that he thought it would be time to tell them. My first upset was that I didn't even know they would be here again a weekend earlier than expected (AND two consecutive weekends because of family stuff happening end of August)
Then I spend lying awake at night worrying how to deal with this.
I've tried saying 'no, I'm not ready' We tried discussing it quietly. Yesterday we fought about it. And I lost the fight. Big time. I even have to be there. Saturday morning.
In my mind there is no point in telling the kids before I start showing. When you're 9 and 13 years old February is a long way away (as is the skill of empathy). And I have this feeling DP doesn't want to share the fact that things can go wrong, could already have gone wrong since the last scan three weeks ago (or have gone wrong 5 weeks ago).
But DP insists it is only fair, since he told his brother, so it's time to tell close family. DP kept repeating that what I wanted (not telling) is not an option and that I should make clear what I want. I have no idea how to find middle ground in a discussion like that, so I gave up. Figuring that if we do what DP wants at least one of us is happy. And I said DP is going to be single point of contact for the boys from then on and has to answer any questions/deal with any upset/jealousy/disagreement/enthusiasm.
The only relief is that I was planning on meeting up with An on Saturday on the beach and HB on Sunday.
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Sweetie, I of course understand your feelings and to be honest I think yours matter more than his. But there is no middle ground, unless you can delay say till the next scan. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteAy, that's not fun at all and you should be happy too. Actually, you should be the happy one, not him! And tell him he shouldn't expect anything rational from you for the coming months, you're too full of pregnancy hormones! Hang in there...
ReplyDeleteYes, I understand you too. Is there no compromise to be made even on your being there? :-/ not that I want to stir it up again - I just feel their dad could maybe give more man-to-man explanations without your presence? Is that wrong? And you could split and meet your friends...
ReplyDeleteAnyway, Val. Hoping all goes well. It may be a total non-reaction - who knows.
Enjoy your outings. Xx
Sorry. I wish i had advice, but all I can do is empathize. Hugs.
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