Apparently hesitation makes me silent....
I wrote this weeks ago:
"Had my first appointment with my interim-counsellor. Alice. She looks a bit like Alycia Lane (or Thirteen, from House): at first I was afraid that if I said the wrong thing she would bite my head off. She just looks fierce with the flowing hair and dark eye make up. And she moves when she wants something done. But when she listens she is quiet and emphatic, so that is reassuring. I'm not sure she has experience with infertility patients though.
I wrote this weeks ago:
"Had my first appointment with my interim-counsellor. Alice. She looks a bit like Alycia Lane (or Thirteen, from House): at first I was afraid that if I said the wrong thing she would bite my head off. She just looks fierce with the flowing hair and dark eye make up. And she moves when she wants something done. But when she listens she is quiet and emphatic, so that is reassuring. I'm not sure she has experience with infertility patients though.
I'm a bit in limbo right now about starting our DE-in-Spain adventure. She does want to help me look at what is stopping me, but she also wants to pay attention to the here-and-now.
That in itself was motivation enough for me to finally fire off the next email to the next clinic.
Mid March I'm going on a scuba dive trip again. Scuba and pregnancy don't mix at all, so after the trip we can start our Spain adventure. While still hesitant I'm also in a hurry: in June is the birthday that will make me 40 years old. Denying milestones is all good and fine, but I've seen people getting hit hard by this one.
Even my always happy even-keeled DP had a weird wobble. "
March has come and (almost) gone in the mean time...
With some help of HB I sent the same mail to another Spanish clinic. And basically got the same answer: the clinic picks the donor.
I don't know why it bothers me so. Maybe if we talk to them in person we'll get some more nuance, but the idea of "just fill out this form" seems too simple.
Maybe the form is really good and lets me add stars to things I find important, or indicate multiple options. For example, I was totally fine with FoF being a tiny woman while I'm tall. But I'm a bit scared of hair/eye colour, because DP is so very fair with blue eyes and I'm only medium brown, so a dark kid would stand out from us. Sigh, I want to make myself stop worrying...
Maybe, vaguely I'm looking for excuses. It's almost like I want to have been gone there already and just deal with the outcome. So tired of all this decision making.
Mhm, maybe not the most coherent of posts, sorry for that.
Oh, if commenting still isn't working easily you can send email to let me know at gmail.com: valeryvalentina
March has come and (almost) gone in the mean time...
With some help of HB I sent the same mail to another Spanish clinic. And basically got the same answer: the clinic picks the donor.
I don't know why it bothers me so. Maybe if we talk to them in person we'll get some more nuance, but the idea of "just fill out this form" seems too simple.
Maybe the form is really good and lets me add stars to things I find important, or indicate multiple options. For example, I was totally fine with FoF being a tiny woman while I'm tall. But I'm a bit scared of hair/eye colour, because DP is so very fair with blue eyes and I'm only medium brown, so a dark kid would stand out from us. Sigh, I want to make myself stop worrying...
Maybe, vaguely I'm looking for excuses. It's almost like I want to have been gone there already and just deal with the outcome. So tired of all this decision making.
Mhm, maybe not the most coherent of posts, sorry for that.
Oh, if commenting still isn't working easily you can send email to let me know at gmail.com: valeryvalentina
It's a tough decision. Doing DE means ceding a lot of control; having to allow the clinic to choose your donor means ceding even more control. I can't blame you with needing some time to come to terms with that.
ReplyDeleteDecision-making is tiring and there's so much of it- and of course you need to feel comfortable with each aspect. This is completely, totally understandable, Valery.
ReplyDeleteI send you wishes of mental clarity, and hugs..
Val, I hear you totally about having to give up control of the donor. The clinic in Brno had the same process. I actually found it so much easier as before we made the decision I was pouring over donor registries and no one seemed to measure up. I realized that I was looking for a carbon copy of myself and that person just didn't exist. In the end, having the clinic pick lightened my load. I was able to send a picture of myself and give them a list of what was most important to me. The most important features to me were height, eye colour & hair colour. I even put a minimum height requirement. Ultimately, you get the final say after they give you a description. Our donor was 5'8 with blue eyes and brown hair and some other things. Our daughter has blue eyes and sandy blond hair and is tall for her age. But, she looks nothing like me. Her blue eyes are a different blue than mine. And, you know what? People still tell me she looks like me. People want to see similarities and if they don't they'll say how much she looks like her Dad (which she does).
ReplyDeleteIf you want to email me to chat more about this or just want some support you can email me at highfsher at yahoo.ca.
I hear you on wanting to fast-forward to the outcome....all these decisions are so difficult and there is this feeling that if one turns this way or that, it will impact everything....maybe the form includes yours and DP's photos, or descriptions, so they can try to match you with a donor who has similar features? Have you also looked into Czech Republic? I believe that's where Sweet Georgia from Room in My Oven went...I don't remember if the clinic chose the donor, but for some reason I thought she and her husband did...?
ReplyDeleteAnd...for what it's worth....re: turning 40...as my Chinese doctor used to say, "There's no rush for DE because you can do that when you're fifty if you want!" :-)
Love,
Maddy