And then everything seems to happen at once. This weekend DP's parents are staying with us because their house is without kitchen due to renovations. We don't have a real guest room so we have to shuffle with mattresses. (And I don't fancy sleeping in the boys' bunk bed)
On Sunday at the beach we ran into DP's brother and his very pregnant wife. I had managed to avoid the belly up till then. Yesterday he called to announce the birth of their second son. DP wants to visit this weekend. (Hello, your parents are here, remember?!?)
Next weekend his kids will stay 5 days, autumn break. Could I please babysit on the Monday afternoon, because DP has a meeting that cannot be rescheduled? Hello?!? What?
Why did he pick those days then? Why not pick the Thursday and Friday while I'm away?*
We also received the twin birth announcement card of my childhood neighbour. I was trying to picture holding two babies and just broke down. Why does everyone have two children? DP himself, my brother, his brother...while I was the first to want it?*
Yesterday I showed some online South African egg donor profiles to DP. They show childhood pictures of the donors, or sometimes of their children.
Then I showed him a picture of me at the age of 5. The only thing DP said was that it is very hard to recognise me. (He is right, and HB said the same thing)
*BTW, rationally I know the answers to these questions, I just need to vent. I'm a bit disappointed that after 3 years of infertility and 2 years of therapy it still hurts. (yes, you can slap me) Disappointed that DP and I don't have a real plan at this moment. I know it is only 4 weeks after Fof's news, only 3 weeks after that disappointing clinic appointment. I know that for the past two weeks DP has had to replace his boss and he takes the extra workload very seriously.
HB says about his mother:"The lights are on, but nobody's home".
My heart breaks for him every time.
Yesterday she had an MRI, and it confirmed the dementia diagnosis.
I wish I could wrap my arms around him and take away the pain.
I wish someone would wrap me up and make it all go away.
Oh well, this afternoon BambiEyes again. See if I can cram all this in 45 minutes.
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It still hurts because it's still a painful thing. And it will continue to be, and constant reminders of your hurt make it hurt more. (Could I have used the word "hurt" anymore?)
ReplyDeleteI hope you guys will find a way forward on the donor path that you both feel comfortable and happy with. ((hugs))
It is allowed to hurt and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. I would only worry about it if you were wallowing in the pain or letting it take over all of your time.
ReplyDeleteHugs.