Today.
One year old.
A real take home baby.
And it seems to finally have sunk in that she is here to stay. To stay with us that is, not to stay a baby.
I pulled out the baby book with pictures from around her birth, such a different world! You can wrap a newborn in a blanket, and she will fall asleep on your lap. A one year old, you can run after her while she is pushing her newly gotten wooden baby trolley into the corner where the guitar stands.
DP's oldest (14) even bought her a present all by himself. Which made my and DP's heart swell a little.
We ordered in sushi and she liked the gyoza best. (the many grains of rice seemed to confuse her)
HB had the honour of feeding her dessert, and got her full attention plus some encouragement to hurry up a bit.
I read Mel's post about Norse Ragnarok, which mythology has today as the end of the world (or just of humankind) and one of the names in the story is Loki. Sometimes female, mostly male. For the blog I think I might take that as a name for Suzy's vanished twin. Suzy & Loki, it has a certain ring to it don't you think?
's weird. For years I felt like a mother. Now that finally people see me as one, it is me who has trouble understanding the realness of it. Maybe because so much of the time it feels too good to be true ;-)
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Monday, February 10, 2014
CD 630
My TSH is back down to 3.8 so that is good I think. T4 is 11 or 13 or something, I think the doctor's assistant said that was ok.
I do not really know how people count 'cycles' anymore after a cycle that worked. I took some bcp's in May 2012, stopped taking them and had some kind of CD1 followed by the DE-IVF that worked.
a little spotting , but then many months without any loss of blood.
I had been in denial about the 6 weeks aftermath of living without a placenta again. If I'm not counting that, and not counting the spotting I had in January I was on CD 630, and fully expecting to keep on counting for a very long time.
Didn't various doctors tell me I had no more eggs? shouldn't that imply my ovaries cannot produce oestrogen anymore, and no more cycles for me? Menopause, to use that word?
Suzy's first birthday is around the corner, just a fortnight away. She is hardly a baby anymore. And my body thinks this is the right time to... what?... show me... I can still have a period?
(yes yes, I admit I am still breastfeeding. Partly to have that as prevalent reason not to have a period. Partly health reasons. Partly because this is the only chance I get. Partly because I love it. Mostly because Suzy loves it. Especially that late night feed when we all fall asleep afterwards in the big warm bed, even DP loves that one)
I realise many people have periods knowing they are just for show and nothing fertile. I think there are 10 years between end of fertility and last period (why does the last period not have a greek name? It should, shouldn't it?) It was just nice to not have to deal with useless blood shedding, no reminder of not being able to make babies naturally while it lasted. Who knows, I might be grateful for these later if I'll have to deal with real hormonal withdrawal symptoms then. Now I'm just grateful I hadn't thrown out every last tampon when we moved.
I do not really know how people count 'cycles' anymore after a cycle that worked. I took some bcp's in May 2012, stopped taking them and had some kind of CD1 followed by the DE-IVF that worked.
a little spotting , but then many months without any loss of blood.
I had been in denial about the 6 weeks aftermath of living without a placenta again. If I'm not counting that, and not counting the spotting I had in January I was on CD 630, and fully expecting to keep on counting for a very long time.
Didn't various doctors tell me I had no more eggs? shouldn't that imply my ovaries cannot produce oestrogen anymore, and no more cycles for me? Menopause, to use that word?
Suzy's first birthday is around the corner, just a fortnight away. She is hardly a baby anymore. And my body thinks this is the right time to... what?... show me... I can still have a period?
(yes yes, I admit I am still breastfeeding. Partly to have that as prevalent reason not to have a period. Partly health reasons. Partly because this is the only chance I get. Partly because I love it. Mostly because Suzy loves it. Especially that late night feed when we all fall asleep afterwards in the big warm bed, even DP loves that one)
I realise many people have periods knowing they are just for show and nothing fertile. I think there are 10 years between end of fertility and last period (why does the last period not have a greek name? It should, shouldn't it?) It was just nice to not have to deal with useless blood shedding, no reminder of not being able to make babies naturally while it lasted. Who knows, I might be grateful for these later if I'll have to deal with real hormonal withdrawal symptoms then. Now I'm just grateful I hadn't thrown out every last tampon when we moved.
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