Dreamtime

"In Australian Aboriginal mythology, Dreamtime is a sacred era in which ancestral totemic spirit beings created the world."

creating the world, creating new life, a new individual... The first half of this year already feels like a dream. Such a special time, with its own time warp. Even though I take a picture almost every day it still feels like sand flowing through my fingers. I would like to hold on to this time. To wrap myself and Suzy in an eternal baby-now. After longing for this for so long it seems to go by so very very quickly.
Five months now, and I am shocked by the first tentative sensation of two tiny bottom teeth.
Later this week it will be August, which means I will go to work 70%. While more days and hours at work means I can get into it again and not feel like a fraud sitting behind my desk, it is also so much more normal. Like before. Not exactly as if nothing has happened, but almost.
Did I enjoy it as much as humanly possible? Did I do everything to drink it all in? Did I spend enough time with her, and share with family?
I feel a little melancholy, knowing deep down that this is the only time I'll get to do this. The hurt for the twin that didn't make it is unpredictable, but pops up every now and then. I don't want to 'try again' for 'another baby'. I don't want another, I wanted that one (those two)
(and yes, it is hard to allow that sadness and not constantly berate myself to count my blessings and hug Suzy tight. I shouldn't be surprised that the twin wriggles itself into another blogpost. Where else would it be?)
So um, normal seems hard sometimes...

Take care, and cherish your dreams.