Dreamtime

"In Australian Aboriginal mythology, Dreamtime is a sacred era in which ancestral totemic spirit beings created the world."

creating the world, creating new life, a new individual... The first half of this year already feels like a dream. Such a special time, with its own time warp. Even though I take a picture almost every day it still feels like sand flowing through my fingers. I would like to hold on to this time. To wrap myself and Suzy in an eternal baby-now. After longing for this for so long it seems to go by so very very quickly.
Five months now, and I am shocked by the first tentative sensation of two tiny bottom teeth.
Later this week it will be August, which means I will go to work 70%. While more days and hours at work means I can get into it again and not feel like a fraud sitting behind my desk, it is also so much more normal. Like before. Not exactly as if nothing has happened, but almost.
Did I enjoy it as much as humanly possible? Did I do everything to drink it all in? Did I spend enough time with her, and share with family?
I feel a little melancholy, knowing deep down that this is the only time I'll get to do this. The hurt for the twin that didn't make it is unpredictable, but pops up every now and then. I don't want to 'try again' for 'another baby'. I don't want another, I wanted that one (those two)
(and yes, it is hard to allow that sadness and not constantly berate myself to count my blessings and hug Suzy tight. I shouldn't be surprised that the twin wriggles itself into another blogpost. Where else would it be?)
So um, normal seems hard sometimes...

Take care, and cherish your dreams.

Blogger ate my post

Finally I wrote this post about love.
And then blogger ate it. Not even a draft was left. Or maybe it was a firefox crash or a sudden battery-low-shut-down while I was trying to get it to publish...
It was the first time I actually lost a post. Comments I've lost frequently, but this... ah well, I'll try again.
Later.

Back to work.
I found it a bit shocking when the first of July rolled around. First half of this year gone! past! So much happened and I´m not nearly done soaking it all up.
Torn between wanting to document it, and actually living it. So much here and now, and it just keeps going.
Heather (sorry, link removed) writes: "We’re trapped in that weird new baby space/time continuum where you feel like you’ve known the baby your whole life, but every day runs together into one endless feed/sleep/poop loop."

Now I have to break the continuum. I went back to the office. Sat down on my chair, at my own desk that has been waiting for me the whole time.
I was prepared for some emotional turmoil when leaving Suzy at the daycare. Didn't happen. I mostly found it soothing to know she is finally around other babies. Maybe she doesn't miss her twin, but I do.