Stormy weather

I've been sad. Sad for me, DP, for the DE baby that isn't, for Fof. And then, of course, there is more sad news.
*The neighbours' fantastic tigercat died. He was still so young. And every time I sit down at my kitchen table I look at their window and miss him. I bought a cat-shaped-pillow-thingy for them, hoping they will put it in the window. But I haven't worked up the courage to ring their bell yet.
*HB came over to bake apple pie. And told me that the diagnosis for his mother is indeed dementia. She has been getting worse since his father's illness and he has to tell her he died almost every time they speak. He urges me to get to know my parents better, talk to them while I/they/we? still can
*I tried to get an extra appointment with BambiEyes this week, but someone in her family died and the funeral is on Friday (the only day she works in Amsterdam) I don't even know how to be sad for her too as well, don't know how to reply to that email.

Other things now. My cousin enjoyed the apple pie and was good company to listen to my plan D ending.
I bought flowers and "heart warming" tea for Fof, wrote a card, boxed two pieces of apple pie and delivered them personally last week. (and left super quickly so I could cry some more in the next street)

DP and I didn't quite make it to Belgium, the weather suddenly turned nice on Saturday so we didn't want to spend 4 hours in the car, instead we went to a village with the funny name of Babberich, Babborga square for a long walk. We didn't run into Barbapapa though ;-)
Had a very lovely dinner. I tried to get an idea of DP's feelings towards our Spanish DE plan but didn't get much out of him. He asked what the age limits are for them, if we are in a hurry now. I suppose that technically no, I'm still 39 for another 9 months. And I haven't seen any limits below 40, more often 42 and 43. I guess this means he is still processing. But my math-pixie whispers that if I don't get pregnant tomorrow I will not become a mother at 39 (math pixie takes 40th birthday - 9 months.) so that I will be an OLD mother and should start feeling old right now. Pffft. Okay, I'm not in that much of a hurry, but I still want to do something this year if possible at all.
The next day we walked in the forest. It was nice to just put one foot in front of the other, be together and not think too much. Had a pancake for lunch that was so filling we didn't need dinner anymore.

This week seems harder. I can't seem to concentrate. When I move it feels heavy. If I finally make it to the supermarket I have no idea what to buy. It seemed a big accomplishment to return three books to the library. It is taking a huge effort to write this today. I bought some vitamins that turned out to be in capsules almost one inch big and they are just so hard to swallow.
Tomorrow we have an appointment at the clinic, they sent us a letter last week. When DP saw the envelope he wondered if they want 'to rub it in'. I suppose it is decent of them to inform us of their decision / negative advice about Fof but I'm not sure I want to dwell on it. And I don't think they have much else to offer. I hope I have the focus to ask about their experience and/or collaboration with foreign clinics.

Today I bought a big bunch of flowers in perfect autumn shades for no particular reason ~ #63 from the 99 things list and tinkered with my camera settings...