How appropriate to write my 70th post on my mothers 70th birthday. Happy Birthday mam.
She gave a ladies-only High Tea Party yesterday (in a hotel) complete with chocolate fountain - just for me, she claimed. Half of her guests knew me from when I was a baby, and all of them wanted to know how I was. I didn't want to blow the atmosphere, but neither would I tell them 'everything's fine'. So I practised telling my story in ever shorter form.
One lady, M, only ten years older than me and childless-not-by-choice then told me how she had really nice neighbours and had connected with one woman in particular because this neighbour was also c-n-b-c. The neighbour had been pregnant with twins (twice) who were stillborn (all of them). She had seemed to cope so well. Merry christmas, cheerful new years eve. And hanged herself the very first day of the new year.
Both M and I could understand somehow, that that could be too hard to keep on living, too much to bear.
I woke up at 5 AM, feeling so sad. Sad for M, sad for her neighbour, sad for the twins, sad for the husband left behind.
Made love to DP hoping to return to the land of warm, loving and living, but I still wanted to cry.
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That's such a sad story. Terribly sad..
ReplyDeleteWhat an appalling thing to happen to a person - TWICE, too. Too awful.
It makes me think about people who seem to cope very well too. There's such a thing as coping too well, I suppose.
Hey! I just swept by your blog. Found it through a mutual friend's. Wishing the best for you and looking forward to following your journey. Pray everything gets better.
ReplyDelete~Jess
http://bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com/
That made my stomach turn. Not the hanging part. The stillborn twin part. Knowing that could just as easily have happened to ours.
ReplyDeleteLooking at them now, I can't say for sure I wouldn't have done the same...
That story is heart-rending. I feel cold all over just reading it. And so disconcerting to hear it at a party, a celebration.
ReplyDeleteSo very sad, but somehow a sobering reminder for all the times I get caught up with the unfairness (etc) of IF - that there are so many stories out there. People who suffered IF before ART (and blogging!), and the many 'fertiles' who experience pregnancy, but not the joy of raising that child. We are not alone by any means.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your Ma had a lovely day though!
LS x
This is so sad. It reminds me just a tiny bit of my mom, whose firstborn was stillborn - she told my dad when I was pregnant after IVF#1 (and only had a few weeks to go), that she would kill herself if the baby would not make it. That was almost 40 years after she lost her own baby...
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