Saturday, January 1, 2011

1-1-11

I'm a numbers girl and I Like today's date. As if it holds promise, a new start. New chances.
This year is the year of my big decisions -next year I'll turn 40 and that will only make things a thousand times more difficult I'm afraid.  I've even realised that not making any decisions will mean status quo, where both DP and me suffer from despair and loneliness despite living under the same roof.
So looking for a new therapist is high on my to do list. In the hope of not having the flight-from-pain reflex as my main motivator.

My new friend ( who I shall name HeartBroken anyway) is helping me to sort through the shards of my broken dream. He stops me when I'm taking on to many pieces at the same time and sometimes he comes up with wild new angles to look at the situation. Like 'why not ask DP to give up his DNA as well, to regain symmetry in your relation to the baby'. Crazy thought experiment, but amazing to feel how emotional my reactions are, and that relief was one of them. Emotions, I still have a lot to learn, but HB is making me feel safe while trying, and sometimes he even helps me explaining things to DP. Or commiserates with me when DP is being a Martian about all of this.

Wishing you good luck and wisdom for this year,
from Amsterdam with Love,
Valery
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5 comments:

  1. Twangypearl the Elastic GirlJanuary 1, 2011 at 3:09 PM

    1-1-11 - indeed! The first day of the rest of our lives and all that. I like to do list Valery, - not deciding is a decision, it's true - and I know you can find your way. Happy new year! May it be a really good one for you.

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  2. ~C~January 1, 2011 at 5:16 PM

    I hope that this year holds good things, and is a new beginning for you. And I hope you've enjoyed your picturesque snow-filled holidays in A-dam :-)

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  3. Mad HatterJanuary 2, 2011 at 4:54 AM

    Happy 2011 Valery.
    So glad you have a friend who is encouraging you and the Martian (ha!) to be close...I hope this year brings you great joy!
    Love,
    Maddy

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  4. ~C~January 2, 2011 at 6:32 PM

    Good luck to you as well. Your friend sounds like a very good one. Just out of curiosity, is your blog url named after the fun little pancakes?

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  5. AnonymousJanuary 3, 2011 at 7:39 PM

    Good luck and best wishes for 2011 to you too.

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