First days

Slow motion madness sums it up, my first days back at work.
I'd forgotten what that felt like. Everyone is way too busy to tell me what to do so I'm quietly figuring things out myself.
And I brought my own teamaker and cookies to occupy the rest of my time.
As for Mijke's comment: the office chairs are great. The second morning we had an almost disaster on the way to work: the steering bar of the tandem became undone so the bike was suddenly out of control. We almost smashed into a concrete pillar. DP managed to stop the bike just an inch before, but I flew off. Managed to deflect myself off the pillar, but in doing so hurt my wrist, bruised my knee and inner thigh. Woow the adrenaline rush, my right leg was shaking so mightily after getting up again.
Since it happened quite close to a train/tube station I wanted to leave the bike with the station's bike repair shop and continue with public transport. After limping over with a bike that wouldn't go straight the man had the right Allen key and repaired it within 30 seconds. It will take a little longer to get our confidence back though, but we cycled on nevertheless, a fair bit slower. Today it was wet on the road and DP was very considerate taking the corners easy. My knee is still a bit sore but I'm lucky it hasn't swollen. Phew. It could have been so much more serious. But it should never have happened in the first place.
As for the work itself, I'd forgotten that even though I consider myself senior and confident and professional and all that it's still an empty and useless feeling being clueless. Not much documents around so I'll have to get people to explain, can't hide behind paper or read again. O well, it will get better, and they are nice people. Cowboys, but nice.
And I'm not as tired as I was afraid I would be, so that's nice too.

On Sunday I asked DP if I should take him out for dinner so we had some quiet time to talk a bit more about DE. He said our Sunday asparagus dinner would be fine but then I forgot/wasn't sure what we should talk about.
Its a split sensation. I know I want to do this, I'm pretty sure I will.
On the other hand it seems an entirely new decision, a new 'are we ready for this', a new 'will you and I be the right people together for this more complicated life'.
I used to be 100% sure I wanted our child to have my last name. Hey, only fair, DP already had two. Then in 2009 both my brother and a cousin became fathers of mylastname babies.
And with DE I suddenly find the last name thing confusing. Should a child with the uncommon origin of DE have the (common) name that comes with the genes? So stressing the connection with its half-brothers? Or should I leave a 'visible' trace, something for everyone to clearly see I'm the mother, that my family is family too?

This 'cycle' is a weird one. I started spotting chocolate on CD8 and have been since, it's now CD29. It's getting a bit long. This happened one time before (May-July 2009) and back then u/s showed a cyst that went away by itself, in a mock 50 day cycle. I'm assuming it's part of the collapse of the cycle and its hormones. Guess I'm just glad I don't have any other menopausal symptoms (yet)

Enough computer time, looking forward to the library tomorrow.